2015 – The year I learnt that I cannot control life

Word of the year 2015 was embrace

2015. In the beginning of the year I named the theme for the year to Embrace. I did set big intentions for things that was gonna happen. I had big hopes, plans and ambitions. 

1 month in it all changed. Sometimes a year does not turn out as you planned. Ok, it rarely does but sometimes Universe REALLY kicks you in the butt and directs you in a completely different direction from what you thought was right for you.

If anyone said I would end this year in a different country, being single, I would just shrug and think that the person in question was insane.

Despite a lot of painful experiences I do not regret the year that just passed because it has been hugely important to me. It might not, for an outsider, look like a lot. I don’t have any of what our society traditionally counts as success to brag about. But I have dealt with so much old crap (that I know way too many of us hold onto) and I can honestly say that after years of suffering and anxiety I am now finally feeling happy, content and truly grateful for my life.

It is so easy to think we can control outcomes, and that what we think we want (that job, that partner, that house etc) also is what is going to make us happy.

My biggest lesson this year has been that you cannot control life and if you stop trying – trust me – you might end up in a better place than you ever imagine possible. I could never imagine being here right now, but I am so happy that I am.

(Thank you to all of you who played a part in that journey, you know who you are!)

To finish off I am going to share with you my New Years resolutions for 1999, many which still hold true for my life today.

New Year's Resolutions for 1999 in my diary from 1998

Translations of New Years resolutions by me, Matilda, 12 years old (and equally true at age 29):

1) Be more independent

2) Don’t cry as often

3) Listen to my intuition all the time

4) Stand up for my beliefs and express them

5) Finish off what I started

6) Tell stupid people who tease off

7) Do what I think is fun and stop caring about other people’s opinions

8) Be kind and treat people well

9) Show how much I care about my REAL friends and family

10) Show what I am truly capable of doing

x Matilda

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